Elon Musk: The Tech Casanova?

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Elon Musk: The Web’s Worst Boyfriend or Tech Casanova?

Hello, everybody! Welcome, welcome! You already know, I have been studying about Elon Musk in recent times. Oh, come on, you already know who he’s—the Tony Stark of genuine existence, the SpaceXplainer of all issues house, the… the Bitcoin tease. This man is so long term, I wager his diary is written on an iPad from 2040.

Lifestyles with Mr. “I am Running on Mars Colonization”

So, Elon simply had every other biography written about him. As a result of, you already know, one biography is rarely sufficient for a person who desires to colonize Mars. In it, Walter Isaacson describes how tricky Elon is in relationships. And that is coming from any person who hung out with Steve Jobs, so you already know he’s noticed some issues.

Simply consider relationship Elon. “Hello, honey, wanna Netflix and relax?” “Nah, let’s simply simulate a Mars touchdown. However you’ll choose the planet subsequent time.” Put out of your mind dinner and a film; you are signing up for quantum physics and SpaceX launches!

From Tesla to Courting Hell-sa

Elon’s exes say he is emotionally unstable. It appears, he has a couple of modes—like one among his Teslas. There may be “Sit back Elon,” “Workaholic Elon,” after which… “Demon Mode Elon.” In Demon Mode, he’s both launching a rocket or your feelings into the stratosphere.

His first spouse, Justine, stated that once they danced at their wedding ceremony, Elon whispered that he used to be the “alpha” within the courting. Alpha? The fellow named his child X Æ A-Xii, which seems like any person smashed their head towards the keyboard and referred to as it a reputation.

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Asperger’s or Now not, That is a Lot

K, positive, Elon has Asperger’s, however does that make him ship a C-section photograph of Grimes to her complete circle of relatives? Even supposing you’ve gotten Asperger’s, there will have to be a elementary “Do not Do Silly Stuff” protocol hardwired on your mind someplace, proper?

And let’s no longer fail to remember, this can be a man who doesn’t take holidays. As an alternative, he does “paintings sprints.” His concept of a holiday is almost certainly making you take a seat via a 10-hour PowerPoint presentation in regards to the risks of AI whilst sipping on battery acid.

Final Remarks: Elon’s Cushy Facet

Now, ahead of you suppose I am simplest right here to roast Elon, let me say this: the person has a young facet. Like when Talulah Riley’s pal died, he flew to England simply to be together with her. It’s great. It’s roughly like when Godzilla stops destroying the town to puppy a kitten. It doesn’t make you fail to remember in regards to the town, however aww, have a look at the little kitten!

Elon and Justine Wilson: The Alpha Tango

Ah, Elon’s first spouse, Justine Wilson! We have now all heard of the alpha male, however Elon took it to every other stage when he whispered to Justine that he used to be the “alpha” all the way through their first dance at their wedding ceremony. Wow, not anything screams romance like setting up pack dominance at the dance ground!

You already know you are in for a deal with when your wedding ceremony evening comes to phrases extra suited to a Nationwide Geographic documentary on wolves. “Honey, will you howl on the moon with me?”

Their courting used to be described as having “giant arguments in public.” Ah sure, as a result of what may well be extra romantic than shouting over rocket schematics at a pleasant eating place?

Believe this: The large day has arrived. Elon Musk and Justine Wilson are status at the dance ground, surrounded via the smiling faces in their family members. The air is thick with romance and ambition—as a result of, let’s be fair, with Elon Musk, there is at all times an underlying layer of ambition, even at his personal wedding ceremony. The primary dance starts, and what does the king of Tesla and SpaceX whisper into his bride’s ear? Now not “I really like you,” no longer “You glance gorgeous,” however “I’m the alpha on this courting.”

Sure, girls and gents, that is proper. Whilst maximum grooms are content material with a smooch and a dip, Elon’s already setting up the pack hierarchy. I will be able to nearly listen David Attenborough’s voice narrating, “And right here, in his herbal habitat, we see the Alpha Male announcing his function within the pack, a ritual hardly ever seen in human courtship.”

However it does not finish there! Oh no. As a result of what is a wedding and not using a theme, proper? And for Elon and Justine, the theme appears to be “Nationwide Geographic: The Wolf Pack Version.” It is as though Elon checked out conventional wedding ceremony vows and idea, “Until loss of life do us section? How about until the alpha calls?”

In the event you suppose the marriage used to be a curler coaster, wait until you listen in regards to the public arguments. Ah, sure. Image your self taking part in a quiet dinner at a trendy joint. Cushy jazz within the background, your date seems to be gorgeous, after which from the nook of the room, you listen any person yell, “I advised you, Justine, the rocket needs to be reusable!” Ah, candy nothings, however no longer actually.

Justine, to her credit score, is not one to back off. So she fires again, “Elon, for the affection of God, are we able to please speak about one thing as opposed to rockets for as soon as? How about we talk about who is putting off the trash this night?” To which Elon would retort, “Doing away with the trash is a waste of human doable! That is a role for robots!” And the orchestra in their love continues, one argument at a time.

Ah, however in spite of all of the ups and downs, and the very, very public downs, those two controlled to create a existence in combination, a minimum of for some time. As a result of as everyone knows, Elon’s love for attaining new frontiers is not just restricted to SpaceX. On occasion, the ones new frontiers are new relationships.

Nonetheless, Elon and Justine gave us one thing to contemplate: Love is not just about affection or compatibility. On occasion, it is about discovering that particular any person you’ll argue with at a complicated eating place about whether or not a reusable rocket is a better human success than, say, understanding whose flip it’s to scrub the dishes. Ah, fashionable love!

Elon and Talulah Riley: Take Two and Motion

Elon and Talulah Riley
Elon and Talulah Riley

Then there used to be Talulah Riley. Married, divorced, after which re-married to Elon. It is like a device replace. “We had a couple of insects within the first model of this marriage, let’s roll out Marriage 2.0 and hope it does not crash!”

Talulah as soon as stated that once her shut pal died, Elon flew to England to be together with her. They “simply watched silly TV and laughed.” You need to surprise, used to be the TV in truth silly or have been they gazing rocket launches long past mistaken on a YouTube blooper reel?

Ah, the sequel we did not know we wanted, however were given anyway. As a result of in case you are Elon Musk, why forestall at launching rockets or electrical vehicles? Why no longer relaunch a whole marriage?

It is like a Hollywood blockbuster: “Elon & Talulah: The Reboot.” Handiest this time, as a substitute of latest actors or a twist within the plot, it is the identical actors, identical plot, however with “computer virus fixes and function enhancements.” You already know, the type of device replace that makes you suppose, “Did the rest in truth alternate?”

“Marriage 1.0 used to be a laugh,” you’ll consider Elon announcing, “however have you ever attempted Marriage 2.0? Now with extra emotional bandwidth and higher steadiness in adversarial stipulations!” And someplace in a Silicon Valley convention room, a workforce of courting engineers are furiously coding the brand new model.

However you have to give it to them, they do have some romantic moments. Like when Talulah’s pal kicked the bucket and Elon flew all of the strategy to England simply to be together with her. Ah, that is candy! What did they do? Watch “silly TV and snigger,” Talulah stated.

That leaves us questioning: What qualifies as “silly TV” within the Musk family? Had been they gazing fail compilations of people’s rocket launches? You already know, sitting again, consuming popcorn, and Elon going, “Glance, Talulah! That is not the way you land a rocket! Hahaha!” Ah, not anything brings a pair nearer than failed aerospace engineering.

However in spite of their ups and downs, and the uninstall-reinstall procedure they went via, Talulah and Elon gave it a cast move. Their love tale is a testomony to the age-old adage, “If in the beginning you do not prevail, relaunch your marriage and spot if it sticks the second one time!”

Who is aware of, possibly 3rd time’s the appeal? With Elon, you by no means actually know what is subsequent. Mars? Any other Tesla style? Marriage 3.0? No matter it’s, it’s going to be out of this international!

Elon and Amber Heard: The Dramatic Saga

Elon and Amber Heard
Elon and Amber Heard

We will’t fail to remember Amber Heard. Musk described their courting as “brutal.” Ah sure, not anything like a love tale that may be summarized with the similar phrase we use for gladiator fights.

Brutal! With regards to Elon Musk’s courting with Amber Heard, that is the phrase of the day. You listen the phrase “brutal,” and also you suppose UFC cage fights, medieval jousts, or staring into the abyss of an Excel spreadsheet on a Monday morning. However no, it is how Elon Musk describes relationship. Ah, love within the age of Tesla.

Elon and Amber’s romance used to be much less of a “stroll at the seashore” and extra of a “walk via a minefield.” Are you able to consider date evening? As an alternative of Netflix and relax, it is like “Tesla and Rigidity.”

“Hello, Amber, do you want some popcorn along with your high-stakes emotional drama?”
“Provided that it comes with a facet of existential dread, Elon.”

Now, we will be able to’t say we are shocked. When you are juggling rocket launches with divorce papers, what is a bit brutal romance at the facet? It is like Elon noticed his courting standing choices and idea, “Unmarried? Married? How about ‘It is sophisticated in house’?”

Their courting used to be as solid as a SpaceX rocket prototype. You already know, the type that appears superior however may just explode at any second. At some point you are unveiling a progressive automobile, and the following you are navigating the explosive ruins of your courting, considering, “Is it too overdue to transform this into some roughly renewable power?”

Ah sure, Musk and Heard: the couple that makes Romeo and Juliet seem like a fairy story and Cleopatra and Mark Antony look like mere kid’s play. As a result of when you find yourself in search of a love tale, why opt for Shakespearean tragedy when you’ll have a Silicon Valley cleaning soap opera?

Elon and Grimes: The Long term is Now

Elon and Grimes: The Future is Now
Elon and Grimes: The Long term is Now

In the end, we come to Grimes. She stated that Elon “buddies love with being imply or abusive.” It seems like Elon Musk is the one man who may just flip “Netflix and Sit back” into “SpaceX and Rigidity.”

Grimes referred to as it “demon mode” when Elon will get actually intense. I will be able to see it now. Elon sits down on the dinner desk and says, “Babe, as a substitute of a romantic getaway, how would you are feeling a couple of romantic Mars colonization?”

I consider occurring a date with Elon comes to sitting via PowerPoint shows about synthetic intelligence taking up the arena. As an alternative of roses, you get a bouquet of Tesla charging cables.

Ah, Grimes and Elon Musk, the couple that makes us all wonder whether we are residing in a science fiction film. Their love tale is as futuristic as Elon’s companies. It is the real-life model of “Her,” with the exception of the working device sings indie songs and designs abnormal child names.

Grimes referred to as Elon’s intense emotional state “demon mode.” You already know, maximum {couples} argue about whose flip it’s to do the dishes or what display to observe on Netflix. However those two? They debate whether or not AI goes to be a benevolent overlord or the top of humanity. Ah, younger love!

Are you able to consider a standard date evening? “Honey, as a substitute of going out for dinner, how about we calculate the potential of a self-sustainable ecosystem on Mars? Oh, and as a substitute of dessert, we will do chance exams for the SpaceX Starship.”

The object about Elon is that he does not deliver you vegetation; he brings you blueprints. As an alternative of whispering candy nothings, he almost certainly whispers quantum physics equations. “Darling, you are as crucial to me because the Planck consistent in quantum mechanics.” Swoon, am I proper?

When Grimes stated Elon may just affiliate love with being imply or abusive, I feel she intended love via rocket thrusters. It is like their hearts do not beat; they blast off. Maximum {couples} argue over who left the bathroom seat up. Elon and Grimes argue over who left the spaceship hatch open.

So yeah, relationship Elon Musk is like being in a futuristic rom-com the place the primary characters are section geek, section rockstar, and fully unpredictable. As a result of let’s accept it, you’ll’t spell “Grimes and Elon” with out “OMG, extraterrestrial beings.”

Courting Elon Jokes

  1. Elon Musk’s love existence is sort of a SpaceX release: bold, sophisticated, and infrequently issues simply blow up.
  2. Courting Elon is like proudly owning a Tesla: graceful and fashionable, however you are at all times nervous about working out of power.
  3. They are saying by no means move to mattress indignant, however with Elon, you by no means move to mattress. There are rockets to release!
  4. Elon’s the type of man who would plan a romantic getaway to the World Area Station.
  5. Elon does not whisper candy nothings; he whispers inventory projections.
  6. Within the Musk family, the word “I would like house” has a wholly other which means.
  7. Elon does not get a divorce, he simply schedules a “device replace.”
  8. A love letter from Elon almost certainly comprises a minimum of 3 charts and an offer for a brand new type of transportation.
  9. Elon provides a complete new which means to the word “it isn’t you, it is me… and my a couple of corporations.”
  10. Elon Musk’s model of cuddling is maintaining arms… whilst concurrently tweeting about cryptocurrency.
  11. Elon Musk’s love language isn’t “Phrases of Confirmation.” It’s “Phrases and Prerequisites.”
  12. When Elon fights together with his female friend, do you suppose he yells, “To the moon!”?
  13. Elon almost certainly makes use of his personal tweets as pick-up traces. “Did you are feeling that? That used to be my inventory going up.”
  14. Courting Elon will have to be like relationship Wikipedia: at all times informative however by no means actually positive if it is true.
  15. Elon Musk’s courting recommendation: “Stay your feelings as solid as a SpaceX touchdown. So… no longer very.”
  16. If Elon Musk wrote a romance novel, it might simply be the handbook to a Tesla Style S.
  17. Elon’s concept of a romantic evening out is a PowerPoint on why romance is inefficient.
  18. In the event you get a divorce with Elon, do you get loose lifetime supercharging as a parting present?
  19. How lengthy ahead of Elon invents a courting robotic that at all times has the same opinion with him? Oh wait, it is referred to as Twitter.
  20. Elon and Grimes named their child X Æ A-Xii as a result of that is the password to Elon’s center. Just right success looking to keep in mind that.
  21. Elon’s marriages are like his rockets: in a position for a relaunch.
  22. “Elon & Talulah: The Sequel” – Coming to a courthouse close to you.
  23. If Marriage 1.0 did not paintings, simply stay up for the patch replace: Marriage 2.1, now with much less arguing!
  24. Musk’s motto: “Fail rapid, relaunch sooner, remarry quickest!”
  25. “Tool replace to be had: Marriage 2.0. Do you want to put in now or be reminded later?”
  26. With Elon, it isn’t about discovering ‘The One.’ It is about discovering the most recent model.
  27. Elon does not want a love tune; he wishes a person handbook.
  28. If simplest Elon may just make his marriages as sustainable as his Teslas!
  29. Talulah will have to have felt like an early Tesla style—nice however wanted a few updates.
  30. Between the rocket launches and the marriage vows, Elon’s actually into countdowns, is not he?
  31. Elon Musk did not simply shoot for the celebrities; he shot for the alpha name too.
  32. Put out of your mind Mars; Elon and Justine’s courting used to be without equal frontier.
  33. For Elon, even love needs to be reusable. Therefore, the a couple of marriages!
  34. Elon does not consider in love in the beginning sight; he believes in love in the beginning a success rocket release.
  35. Justine and Elon: The couple that argues about house in combination, remains in combination? Neatly, no longer relatively.
  36. Their courting wasn’t written within the stars, however it used to be without a doubt sketched out in a rocket blueprint.
  37. Justine will have to have recognized she used to be in for a trip when “I do” got here with phrases and prerequisites.
  38. It isn’t “child communicate” within the Musk family; it is “rocket communicate.”
  39. Believe the wedding counselor’s face once they heard in regards to the “alpha” whisper all the way through the primary dance!
  40. If Elon whispered “alpha,” what do you suppose he yelled all the way through arguments? “To infinity and past!”
  41. You might want to energy a Tesla with the stress between Elon and Amber.
  42. Elon as soon as stated he desires to die on Mars. Amber almost certainly sought after him to depart faster.
  43. “Brutal” may be how I describe the WiFi at my grandma’s area, however I suppose a courting with Amber Heard is more or less the similar factor.
  44. If Amber and Elon had a love tune, it might be “Rocket Guy,” however the rocket is solely filled with emotional luggage.
  45. Elon’s love existence: powered via Tesla, sophisticated via Amber.
  46. With Amber, Elon found out the one factor more difficult to land than a SpaceX rocket—a drama-free courting.
  47. If Elon may just create a renewable power supply from drama, he’d be set for existence.
  48. Love is within the air, and so is the SpaceX rocket—each are similarly risky.
  49. Brutal, however a minimum of no longer as brutal as looking for a parking spot for a Tesla in LA.
  50. The affection tale of Elon and Amber—as a result of each superhero wishes a fancy backstory.
  51. Elon as soon as stated he desires to retire on Mars. With Grimes, it is extra like, “Honey, do you wish to have to spend our golden years in a Martian biodome?”
  52. If Elon and Grimes ever get a divorce, their “It is sophisticated” standing will likely be visual from every other galaxy.
  53. Grimes and Elon—a courting programmed in Python and maintained in chaos.
  54. A romantic stroll for Elon and Grimes is a excursion across the Tesla Gigafactory.
  55. Demon mode? Appears like the most recent Tesla using surroundings.
  56. As an alternative of couple’s remedy, they almost certainly go for a Mars habitat simulation.
  57. They do not write love letters; they ship encrypted messages via SpaceX satellites.
  58. For his or her anniversary, Grimes almost certainly talented Elon a quantum pc, and Elon reciprocated with a map of doable Martian touchdown websites.
  59. They did not simply damage the mould; they shot it into house.
  60. With those two, the “honeymoon segment” may just actually imply a commute across the Moon on a SpaceX rocket.


Key phrases:

Elon Musk, relationships, relationship, biography, Walter Isaacson, SpaceX, Tesla, emotional volatility, Grimes, Asperger’s, Demon Mode, Sit back Elon, Workaholic Elon, Alpha, Netflix and relax, Mars colonization, phrases and prerequisites, to the moon, inventory, romance, PowerPoint, Twitter, X Æ A-Xii. Elon Musk, relationships, Justine Wilson, Talulah Riley, Amber Heard, Grimes, SpaceX, Tesla, love existence, relationship, comedy regimen, alpha male, demon mode, Marriage 2.0, brutal, bold, sophisticated, blow up, power, rockets, World Area Station, inventory projections, device replace, transportation, cryptocurrency.


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Zach Festini

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